How To Deconstruct Almost Anything by Chip Morningstar recounts "the story of one computer professional's explorations in the world of postmodern literary criticism."

The story includes his speech, reworked to be overly dense opening statement, a joke about the language of literary criticism.

The essential paradigm of cyberspace is creating partially situated identities out of actual or potential social reality in terms of canonical forms of human contact, thus renormalizing the phenomenology of narrative space and requiring the naturalization of the intersubjective cognitive strategy, and thereby resolving the dialectics of metaphorical thoughts, each problematic to the other, collectively redefining and reifying the paradigm of the parable of the model of the metaphor.

Chip stating, "we had no idea what any of it meant (or even if it actually meant anything at all)"

Since the words and sentences did convey a meaning, even if it wasn't intentional, I tried to break it down and try to understand it.

First I looked up all the definition's for the terms that I didn't understand then tried to literally translate it to a version with the terms I didn't know replaced with more explicit definitions.

The essential pattern of cyberspace is creating partially different behaviors depending on the situation and who is present according to accepted terms of human contact.

This makes nornal again the properties of the  environment and setting of cyberspace (but separate from cyberspace itself) AND requiring the specific methods that people use to solve problems shared by multiple people, 

AND thereby resolves the the art of investigating or discussing the truth of opinions of metaphorical thoughts that each present problems with other metaphorical thoughts, collectively breaking down and building back up the pattern of the model of the metaphor.

This was a little more clear but most of the meaning was still obscured by overwording, so I tried to rewrite it a little clearer.

The most important pattern of cyberspace is creating kind of different behaviors depending on the situation and who is involved based on actual or potential accepted social behavior that are accepted as valid forms of human contact.. 

This normalizes the study of the properties of Cyberspace, and requires the naturalization of the specific methods that people use to solve problems shared by multiple people 

and this fixes the problem with people discussing the truth of metaphorical thoughts that don’t all fit together breaking down and re assembling the model of this metaphor

This was a little more credible and so finally I took a stab at understanding and rewriting it in a way I could understand

The most important part of cyberspace is that people act differently depending on the situation in accordance with how they are expected to act in that situation.

This is how people handle the problems presented by the properties of Cyberspace and fixes problems with people discussing ideas that don’t always agree and taking them apart and reassembling them.

Not sure if that is technically correct, but at least those were the ideas I was able to break it down and kind of an interesting way to look at communication and the structures of language.

There is probably a Perl joke in here somewhere too.